[shakedown_04092]

Pretty self-explanitory:

Code: Select all

THE GEORGE CARLIN THEORY ON LIFE:

The most  unfair thing about life is the way it ends.  I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.  What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life  cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of  the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out  when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to  work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy  your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend  your last nine months floating ... and you finish off as an  orgasm

Makes sense to me


And for one of the all-time best, here's an old one. In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this:

Code: Select all

The Buffalo Theory 

"Well, you see, Norm, it's like this....A heard of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first, thus making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.  And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers"

Brilliant, Cliff. Simply brilliant.

[Trystine]

Good theories. I think my favorite George Carlin saying goes like this.

"I hate it when people say life's too short. Life's too short?...It's the longest fucking thing you'll ever have to do!

[bodiddley]

I find myself agreeing with most of what Mr. Carlin has to say. That sick, demented old codger is twisted in the best kind of way.

[shakedown_04092]

Yup, me too. If he ever ran for president, I'd vote for him in a heartbeat. He's one logical motherfucker, I tell ya.

Unfortunately, there aren't too many people left like him, and ever fewer in the pipeline.