How can you tell if Deadheads have been in your house?
They're still there!
How do you know when they're gonna leave?
The phone bill comes.
Where do you hide things from deadheads?
Under the soap.
If you see three flies in the bathroom, how do you know which one is the deadhead?
The one on the pot.
Jerry comes to his senses right after his death, looks around and sees that he is in the midst of rock music's late great ones: Jimi Hendix, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, and many more. He even sees his old friend Pigpen.
So Jerry walks up to him and after their initial greetings says, 'This is fantastic, man! I never thought heaven would be like this, spending all of eternity playing music with all the great ones!'
Pigpen looks up at Jerry and says, 'What? You mean you think you're in heaven?'
Just then, Karen Carpenter appears on stage, takes the microphone, and says, 'Alright now, one more time until you get it right: 'Close to you.''
What did Jerry Garcia say when he came out of rehab?
Man, this music sucks!
What do you call parachutists over a Grateful Dead concert?
Acid Rain!
and as if that isn't enough.......
This head is in Austin for spring tour and he goes into the hotel bar after the show and orders a beer. He remarks that the bar is 50 feet long. "Sure", the bartender replies, "everything is bigger in Texas". The bartender brings him his beer, and it must be 64 ounces! The bartender says "Yep, even the beers are bigger in Texas". The head has to relieve himself after such a large beer, and asks the barkeep where the toilet is. He's still a little addled from the show, and goes through the door on the left instead of the right and falls into the pool. Panicked, he yells, "don't flush, don't flush!"
Two heads were discussing a recent show. "It was terrible, the mix was bad, Jerry forgot lines, the playing was uninspired, it was torture to listen to," said the first. The second added, "I agree, and it was too short, too!".
Cosmo the deadhead is at the end of his rope. He's broke, half a continent away from his folks and he needs to get home. All he has left is his dog, Astro. He spies a likely yuppie couple on the way to their Porsche. He says, "Excuse me, I'm broke and I want to sell my dog for bus money. He's special dog, he even talks! Ask him something." The man seems appalled, but the woman is intrigued. "Oh Dale, that would be so kewl! OK, doggie, what's your favorite dead song?" Astro barks "Wharf, wharf, wharf". The couple laugh at this and leave, without buying Astro, of course. Astro looks at Cosmo and says, "maybe I should have said Playin'?"
http://www.thecausejams.com
let your life proceed by its own design....
