BuddhaG wrote:
Doing drugs to numb your senses does not make negative feelings go away. Finding your connection with the world and people around you and feeling a purpose in your daily activities is the way to clear conscience. I hope I am not preaching... this is just what I have found in my short 20 years of experience as a living breathing person.
Stay strong, Brothers.
That's a great statement, doing drugs absolutely does not make the bad feelings go away, only delays and compounds them.
Heroin (and i suppose other drug) addicts, are notorious for " just one more time" "If I just do this today I'll kick tomorrow" and with 100% faith believe it. It's a great argument for something misfiring in the brain of an addict. A popular rehab quote is, "if every time you walked in the road you got hit by a car, how many times would you walk in the road looking for a different result?" it wouldn't take me long.. Yet somehow I must have had a dozen real relapses after being clean long enough that i wasnt sick, each time thinking it would be different. It just doesnt work. I've been an addict in a half dozen major cities = didn't work. An addict on dead tour = really didn't work, A broke addict, a rich addict = didn't work.
I know this is WAY out there and probably has no meaning to anyone, but one of the strangest things that motivated me to want to really try to get clean, more than my family, friends or education. The thing that totally hit me was; One day as I was waiting in line at a cumberland farms to buy smokes or something. Dope sick on a sunday morning (every addicts least favorite day of the week, next to holidays...lol). In front of me was this freshly showered guy, just shaved, hair wet and smelled of clean. He was around my age and was buying orange juice and the Sunday times. He was in a brand new grey sweat suit w/new white sneakers. He looked so rested and peaceful. It was sunday and he was going to go home and enjoy a relaxing day, while another day of hell was just begining for me. The thought of taking care of myself again of having the time and energy to shower and put something clean on, moving slowely looked so inviting.
So, now whenever I wonder what I'm doing putting around on this little island, or dealing w/the absurdities of my kids, I know it's so much better than that race. Soooo much.