[Prospector]

one of the people I am most sad about being dead

"If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb! "

"I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too. "

[strumminsix]

That's some funny shit right there.. I'll tell you what...

[IamDocWatson]

home movies is one of my favortie shows...

[mutant_dan]

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Mitch Hedberg

[amyjared]

"I helped a friend stay put last weekend."

"I want to be a race car passenger when I grow up. You know, the guy who sits there tells him: Hey, you missed the turn back there..."

Man, he was funny as hell. I'm still more of a Bill Hicks fan, but Mitch was incredible. Check out some of his stuff on wikepedia, if you're not familiar. You will laugh out loud!

[Rev_Roach]

Escalators can't break, they just become stairs.

Went into a store the other day to buy a candle holder. They didn't have any, so instead I got a cake.

[Crazy 9.5 Fingers]

I think I should get some props for having a Mitch quote as my signature on this blog. Truly a genius for the ages.

[Prospector]

"I never joined the army because "at ease" was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am ease'd, bro, because I am not in the military. I'm extra at ease."