[mttourpro]

i wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

So this baby seal walks into a club.


What do you call a homeless rastafarian?

Jah bless



why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

the hippie was to far out.


Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

[Charlie]

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

A. With rock, you play three chords to a hundred people. With jazz you play a hundred chords to three people.

[mgbills]

Tangentially related…

How do you know a banjo player invented the toothbrush?
'Cause if anyone else invented it, it would be called a teethbrush…

Shamelessly stolen from the Jambase Hippie Joke page.

Keep 'em coming. There's some funny shit here!

[PaulJay]

What do you call a cross between an Elephant and a Rhino?

Elephino

[ebick]

Well, the door's been opened to the banjo jokes....

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: No one cries when you cut up a banjo

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: No one takes off their shoes when they jump on a banjo

A man walks into a bank with a banjo case. He opens it up and pulls out an automatic rifle and says, "All right everyone, this is a stick up"
"Thank God!", says one of the customers, "for a minute I thought he was gonna play the banjo!"

A banjo player was very angry. "What's the matter?" his friend asked. "That guy over there turned one of my tuning pegs and knocked my banjo out of tune", he answered.
"Well, why don't you fix it?" the friend asked. "Cuz he won't tell me which one!"

Q: What do you say to a banjo player wearing a suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

[dleonard]

There's a pink elephant on a blue iceberg, and a blue elephant on a pink iceberg. The pink elephant says to the blue elephant, "What do you think I am, a radio?"

[mgbills]

Another favorite…
Two pandas are sitting in a bathtub. The one in the back says to the one in front "will you pass me the soap?" The one in from says "what do think I am? A lightbulb!"


I love that one.

[Charlie]

A banjo and an accordion player scored a last minute New Years Eve in a local club. Turns out they were pretty good and the Manager asked them if they could do it again the next year. The two conferred for a minute and replied "OK but would it be all right if we left the gear here?"


Q: How do you know when there's a synth player at the door?
A: You think you hear knocking but you're not sure if it's real or not.

[Charlie]

A woman approaches a busker on the streets of Dublin and says "Do you always play by ear?"
He replies "Oh no Mam. Sometimes I play over dere".

Why do bagpipers march when they play?
A: So they can get away from that god awful noise.

[Charlie]

Why should you always bury drummers 30 feet under?
A: Cause deep down they're real nice guys.

What do you get if you cross a banjo with an accordion?
A: Punched out by music lovers the world over.

[ebick]

Some people are so damn rude.....would you believe that my neighbor came over and rang my door bell at 2:45AM?!?!?! 2:45!?!?!? It's a good thing I was awake practicing my bagpipes or I'd've gotten REALLY mad!

[Charlie]

A guitar players dies suddenly and then wakes up in a huge studio rehearsal room. Around him he sees Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and a host of great musicians. He is over the moon and says out loud "Wow, so this is what heaven is really like."
Hendrix turns to him and says "Heaven?"
At that point Karen Carpenter walks in and says "OK guys, 'Close to You' take 117."

[ebick]

Saw the punch line coming a mile away....but...FF ahead to about 3:25

http://www.relix.com/blogs/detail/watch ... _monologue

[Charlie]

This guy wakes up one morning with a force ten hangover and realises he left his wallet at the party he was at the night before. He remembers the street but not the house and then remembers that the they had a golden toilet bowl.
He goes knocking from door to door asking if this is the house with the golden toilet bowl. He gets a lot of puzzled looks until finally he gets to the last house in the street .The guy who answers the door turns and calls to another guy in the house "Hey Billy! I think I've found the idiot that pissed in your tuba."

[Utah Joe]

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?

A: A man who can play the bagpipes well, but doesn't.



Q: What did the drummer get on his driver's test?

A: Drool.