Grateful Dead Music Forum

I only know 2 but I'm sure there are more out there so...

Q: What did the deadheads say when they ran out of pot?
A: This music kind of sucks


Q: Why can't the Grateful Dead play musical chairs?
A: Beacuse the music never stops.

Q: how do you know the Grateful Dead played in your town 2 months ago
A: the deadheads are still in the lot

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It takes at least two, but Deadheads don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in a dirty sleeping bag.

My favorite:

Garcia and Clapton were on a safari and got sidetracked and captured by some natives who were going to kill them. "Any last requests?" they were asked and Garcia speaks up and says, "Yes, get me a guitar and just one last time, I want to play the long version of Truckin."
They look at Clapton and he says: "Kill me first!"

Here's one I came up with years back: How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (Hold up one finger like the thousands of heads looking for a ticket...)

Why do Deadheads dance with their hands up in front of their faces? So the music doesn't get in their eyes!

So Michael Jackson gets to Heaven and St.Peter is taking him on the grand tour.
"Here's where Ray Charles lives..." (a nice Heavenly spread).
"Here's where Frank Sinatra lives..." (another nice mansion in Heaven).
They come apon a grand estate on a hill overlooking all the other musicians homes who have passed on.
There is a huge Steal Your Face banner hanging from the pillars and a major party is going on.
Jacko says "How come Garcia gets such a nice place???"
St. Peter says...

Bro...
That's Gods house!

Q: How many DeadHeads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 1000; 1 to do it and 999 to tape it.


This next one is a true story. I was on a semi long drive with an anti-dead head, who's willing to talk about them. I had told him that I thought the problem with post-Garcia incarnations of the Dead was that there were no "surviving" melody instruments....only the rythym section; the rhythym guitarist, the bass player, and the two drummers. To which he replied, "They have two drummers?.......Oh, yeah, well I guess that makes sense when every song takes two hours to play".

amyjared wrote:Why do Deadheads dance with their hands up in front of their faces? So the music doesn't get in their eyes!

I don't get it. But some of these are pretty damn funny!

Ever heard of ELESSDEE

How can you tell if Deadheads have been in your house?
They're still there!

How do you know when they're gonna leave?
The phone bill comes.

Where do you hide things from deadheads?
Under the soap.

If you see three flies in the bathroom, how do you know which one is the deadhead?
The one on the pot.


Jerry comes to his senses right after his death, looks around and sees that he is in the midst of rock music's late great ones: Jimi Hendix, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, and many more. He even sees his old friend Pigpen.
So Jerry walks up to him and after their initial greetings says, 'This is fantastic, man! I never thought heaven would be like this, spending all of eternity playing music with all the great ones!'
Pigpen looks up at Jerry and says, 'What? You mean you think you're in heaven?'
Just then, Karen Carpenter appears on stage, takes the microphone, and says, 'Alright now, one more time until you get it right: 'Close to you.''

What did Jerry Garcia say when he came out of rehab?
Man, this music sucks!

What do you call parachutists over a Grateful Dead concert?
Acid Rain!

and as if that isn't enough.......

This head is in Austin for spring tour and he goes into the hotel bar after the show and orders a beer. He remarks that the bar is 50 feet long. "Sure", the bartender replies, "everything is bigger in Texas". The bartender brings him his beer, and it must be 64 ounces! The bartender says "Yep, even the beers are bigger in Texas". The head has to relieve himself after such a large beer, and asks the barkeep where the toilet is. He's still a little addled from the show, and goes through the door on the left instead of the right and falls into the pool. Panicked, he yells, "don't flush, don't flush!"

Two heads were discussing a recent show. "It was terrible, the mix was bad, Jerry forgot lines, the playing was uninspired, it was torture to listen to," said the first. The second added, "I agree, and it was too short, too!".

Cosmo the deadhead is at the end of his rope. He's broke, half a continent away from his folks and he needs to get home. All he has left is his dog, Astro. He spies a likely yuppie couple on the way to their Porsche. He says, "Excuse me, I'm broke and I want to sell my dog for bus money. He's special dog, he even talks! Ask him something." The man seems appalled, but the woman is intrigued. "Oh Dale, that would be so kewl! OK, doggie, what's your favorite dead song?" Astro barks "Wharf, wharf, wharf". The couple laugh at this and leave, without buying Astro, of course. Astro looks at Cosmo and says, "maybe I should have said Playin'?"

mttourpro wrote:Ever heard of ELESSDEE

Of course I have. I had music get in my head, my ears and even on my pants once but never in my eyes...

mttourpro wrote:"maybe I should have said Playin'?"

now THAT"S funny!

Of course I have. I had music get in my head, my ears and even on my pants once but never in my eyes...

Cuz you dance wit yo hands in front of yo face! See, it works!!

amyjared wrote:Cuz you dance wit yo hands in front of yo face! See, it works!!

Pont set and match to Amyjared. NIce!

Heard this around 91/92:

How many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

about 50,000

1 to change it, 50 to record the event, and the rest to follow it around after it's burned out

what did Jerry Garcia die of? acid indigestion!

whats the first thing Jerry said to St. Peter at the pearly gates? you holdin?

NashvilleMike wrote:

amyjared wrote:Why do Deadheads dance with their hands up in front of their faces? So the music doesn't get in their eyes!

I don't get it. But some of these are pretty damn funny!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

that was the best joke in the list!