Grateful Dead Music Forum

Well I am finally going to ask My Girl of 6 years to get married with me and I have a couple of questions.

Do I have to buy an engagement ring and then a wedding ring or what??

If I want to propose to her as a surprise but I want her to pick out the ring how could I do this?? A temporary fake ring?? or ??

Thanks rukinders!

I nominate this thread as the most random of any rukind thread.

If you've been with her for 6 years, engagement (and rings) must've come up at some point. So she might've told you what she would like in a ring. The only things I got from mrs. jck_strw about engagement rings was that she wanted the diamond pear-shaped and...something else. I can't remember. So when I went ring shopping, I asked for pear-shaped, something else and under $X dollars. The rest is up to you.

Wedding rings are picked out together well after the engagement.

Don't get her a temporary fake ring. She won't like that. I've found that most women like to have the man pick out the ring, rather than some temporary thing. But some chicks (high-maintenance ones I've found) do want to pick out their own ring. You should know which kind-of woman you have.

Good luck.

Interesting questions. Since I'm married, I guess I can qualify to answer.

I think that you can do it however you want. Traditions are numerous. The most conservative one is that you buy her an engagement ring and then a wedding ring. But you can do whatever you think is correct.

Here's an idea: Contact a relative of hers, her mom, stepmom, grandmother, etc. and see if there's a family heirloom that they'll "loan" you so you can ask her. They might even let you give it to her as the wedding ring. You can also get an engagement ring that can be "redone" into a wedding ring. Of course, you can always get a fake ring to give her and then pick one out with her later on. It really depends upon the woman. You know her better than we do, so what do you think she would like??

I know one person that couldn't afford wedding rings so they got matching wedding ring tattoos! Looked pretty cool.
We designed our own rings for the wedding and had a local person make them. Wasn't as expensive as you might think.
Oh, and I know plenty of people that BOTH wore engagement rings, so you can get one, as well, if you want. Just some ideas!

You don't HAVE to do anything other than pay taxes and die! My wife and I talked about straying from the norm, but in the end, she decided she wanted the diamond ring and that she wanted us to go together to pick it out. If I had wanted to surprise her, I would have talked to some jewelers and found one that would take the ring back if she didn't like it. If the guy thinks you are a human, and are going to buy what she wants from him in the event that she doesn't like what you pick out, he will go for that deal. If he doesn't, he is probably not the kind of jeweler you want to deal with anyway if you are spending a four figure number of dollars or more. I don't know where you are located, but most medium to large cities have a "diamond district" of some description where you can talk to a half dozen or more diamond dealers in a single afternoon. If you are in the NY area and want more specific advice, feel free to e-mail me at "[email protected]"

Mick.

congrats WSPhead! Wish I could help you out but I'm a long way from that mess haha

WSPhead,

First off, congratulations. I hope things work out for you. In perspective, you should consider your relationship. i.e. have you been talking about this and thinking about these things or is it a surprise. Two distinct paths. It's been a lot of years for me, but we had talked about it and we were reasonably sure we would do it and talked about the rings. My wife, Cindy, wanted to have the traditional engagement ring and wedding ring but also an uncommon ring and we went and looked at a couple different ones together. She decided that she liked interlocking rings so we went to a local silversmith and saw what they had to offer. I didn't have much money back then, all but 15% of my money went into the things, but I was more into quality rings than focused on the diamond. My hippy wife did not want a big rock, but we were doing a lot of hiking and climbing back then so had a special mount also. It had a lot of meaning and has lasted well over these 25 years.

If you are together and in for the long haul, this is as much a shared event and the moment is just as sweet when you pop the question. It takes two all the way and there is a stage there, it just depends on how the script reads. Think about your relationship and how you interact, then follow.

Best of luck and a good life to you.

Regards,

Dave

Congrats!

Buy the ring and make it a surprise. She needs something that is her's and needs to know you've emotionally invetsed in the process by taking the time to pick out the ring. That will say more than the actual piece itself. You can leave the wedding planning to her and her mom.

I would focus on getting the best diamond you can afford and do a simple setting. Then, if she wants to later replace the setting or add elements to the ring, she can do so. That's what I told my wife 10 yrs ago when we got engaged and she hasn't changed a thing.

Just remember that an engagement ring is supposed to be three times your salery in a month.

Congrats!

I've only done this once and so far it has worked for 6 years.
Girls love surprises. If somehow you can get her ring size or close to it I would suggest designing a ring that fits her personality and as much as possible, not like too many others.

It's not a material issue but when it stands out in the crowd and signifies something special, everytime someone comments on it she will feel special and well... you will be da man

Popping the question out of the blue in an unconventional way is always sweet too.

Good luck

Congrats, congrats! It's a nervous and exciting time. I proposed at setbreak at a Dead show and was such a wreck with nerves I left the ring in the car. The security guys wouldn't let me back into the lot to get it so in a crunch I just proceeded without it. She said yes, all was awesome, and luckily enough she finds it all pretty funny. Good luck man. I'm sure whatever you do it'll be great.

Regarding ring size... Men's health had an article years ago that said most women's ring size is about their shoe size. So if you went that route you'd likely either be right on or one size up or down.

I would definitely surprise her. It would be nice if you knew if she liked a sapphire or a princess cut.
Good luck that and Congrats!