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Grateful Dead Music Forum

A place to talk about the music of the Grateful Dead 

When it doesn't fit anywhere else
 #105114  by tiffcheese
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 7:33 am
there are a lot of great things that life offers, that have no connection with The Dead or playing music...going deeper, the music is intertwined in everything, so you will never actually have to 'give up music'.

Here's what I suggest: take a break from it, it sounds like it causes a bit of inner turmoil which leads to using? could be wrong, only you know the answer.
But going back to the great things life has to offer: Try a bunch of new things, one each week, or each day if you've got the time and motivation.
Weird stuff I've tried to break my mold and stuff you might want to try: Play on a playground when i get out of work at 6:30 in the morning when it's empty, hang out with ducks and their ducklings, climb a tree, take a new route to work, take lessons in a sport you've always wanted to try, buy a skateboard and be the oldest dude at the skate park falling on your ass but still proud because you always thought it looked fun.
Don't know if you're an indoor-type or sporty-type, but keeping yourself healthy in all the basic ways will make your fight that much easier when it tries to knock you off your feet. See a therapist if you need to, keep your body in shape, eat healthy, sleep enough, keep your mind sharp with word puzzles or sodoku. The small positive changes you make in your life are the easiest to maintain and often make the most difference in the end.
You mentioned a Higher Power, so you know you always have someone to send your stresses to: " Hey God, I'm really having trouble with this, can you help? Thanks. " The way this works for me is that I send my question with thanks and completely let go of that stress (this is what they call faith), as I know I can rest easy and my problem is being taken care of. Wishing you strength and clarity. Tiff
 #105121  by RiverRat
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 9:57 am
"Serendipity is when someone finds something that he wasn't expecting to find."

I've been encouraged by everything thats been said in this thread. Chuckle's story was the one that did it for me. I'm going into rehab next tuesday to detox and do some serious work without the distractions of life getting in the way.
 #105126  by jeffm725
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:36 am
RiverRat wrote:"Serendipity is when someone finds something that he wasn't expecting to find."

I've been encouraged by everything thats been said in this thread. Chuckle's story was the one that did it for me. I'm going into rehab next tuesday to detox and do some serious work without the distractions of life getting in the way.

Fantastic Ray. It is where you need to be, I'm so happy for you. I'm feeling the "surrender" from here. :smile: That is absolute HUGE :hail: !........... Let go, and DON'T over think anything while there. Like I said, you are a real smart guy, and sometimes you can out smart yourself with rationalizations even in recovery!! It is something I have to check myself on constantly, and don't always win. Just get in there and LISTEN!! No rationalizations, no regrets, just the knowledge that you are doing something positive for yourself and as a byproduct your loved ones. I KNOW you can do this! I wish you serenity, as that is your "white whale" right now from what I vibe from this thread. Even when you choose not to pickup the resentments and agitations are still there. I think in-patient will give you the time and focus needed to find that serenity.
Im rooting for you buddy!! :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:
 #105136  by RiverRat
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:06 pm
tiffcheese wrote:But going back to the great things life has to offer:
Does shooting little kids in the face with BB guns count?

 #105137  by erock
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:19 pm
RiverRat wrote:
tiffcheese wrote:But going back to the great things life has to offer:
Does shooting little kids in the face with BB guns count?
YES!!!
 #105143  by NeebruM
 Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:51 pm
RiverRat wrote:"Serendipity is when someone finds something that he wasn't expecting to find."

I've been encouraged by everything thats been said in this thread. Chuckle's story was the one that did it for me. I'm going into rehab next tuesday to detox and do some serious work without the distractions of life getting in the way.
You can do fine if you approach it as "it's time" for you, and your life depends on it. You'll see those that don't believe it yet, "don't belong there", and all that. You have obviously been through that stage.

One day at a time, friend. It really ISN'T that hard once you decide to do this right. I really do suggest 90 in 90.

I wish you the best, I really do.
 #105164  by tiffcheese
 Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:29 pm
RiverRat wrote:
tiffcheese wrote:But going back to the great things life has to offer:
Does shooting little kids in the face with BB guns count?
ha ha! uh, I don't know! but you got one "go for it" in this thread. I like to hug kitties n crap so I'm the wrong person for that question
 #105318  by wolftigerrosebud
 Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:15 am
Surrender to win!

And... my favorite, from all the tatted bikers with 20+: work the steps or die, motherfucker.

Perhaps not as gentle as what I'd say to someone, but that's it.
 #105329  by vwjodyme
 Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:53 am
Is that what paintball is now a days? I've never seen anything like that! Looks expensive, but fun 8)
 #105470  by jackr
 Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:20 am
Congrats on getting clean and sober guys. I have been at this 12 step thing successfully for 25 years. I have literally sponsored at least 100 guys. Only a small handful of them have made it ( including one guy who just celebrated 22 years). I used to think that I wasnt a good sponsor but addiction is a mother fucker.

Here is my STRONG suggestion if you want to stay clean. Put your recovery first at all times. If that means staying away from the music scene, then so be it. Remember that whatever we put before our recovery if the first things we lose.

I know that we all want to stay with those things we "think" we love. It is usually our friends, the places we hung out at and the things we did while using. We have to accept that that is in the past and if we value our lives we have to let them go. Eventually much of that will come back but with a completely different and healthy perspective. Music is a huge part of my life now as it was back them but way better now.

Addiction is a killer. Dont take it lightly or for granted. Just because we haven't died or had a stroke, things were bad enough to get us into a 12 step program. If we go back out those horrible things can and most likely will happen to us and the odds of making it back to the rooms are not good. I have known many many people who went back out and died and many many more who are out there suffering badly and hurting others as well.

I will be happy to share my phone number with anyone who wants to talk about recovery. PM me if you want my number.
 #105523  by heavynylon
 Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:56 am
Hello RiverRat, I don't have any personal experience with addiction, but I do have a lot of experience playing and listening to music in complete sobriety, so I'll throw out a few thoughts that might help.

First of all, I agree with the jackr, that your sobriety has to take priority over the music. But I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. For me, when I started playing guitar, I guess about 4 or 5 years ago, my life changed considerably for the better - professionally, socially, spiritually. So, I personally could not give up music.

My foray into the jam scene has been strange. I feel like the cleanest deadhead. I do drink beer, but not much more. Frequently at jam festivals, I feel like I'm the only one who's not on acid or some other such substance. But that's okay, I can enjoy the music without it.

Now, I've done Jamcruise the past 4 years. Just like the festivals, there were a lot of stoned people. However, on each cruise there was a small group of recovering alcoholics/addicts. They called themselves "the Ship of Fools". They had daily meetings and would support each other throughout the cruise. I hung out with several of them and they managed to have a real good time and stay sober. I don't know if they meet at other festivals, but they probably do.

One last thing, not all music scenes involve alcohol or drugs. For example, there are many bluegrass venues around here where alcohol is not served and if someone shows up drunk, they will be thrown out. When I play there, I have a great time and really don't miss the alcohol.

I hope this help a little. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
 #105530  by RiverRat
 Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:07 pm
What a difference a week can make!

Jeffm, I read your post and the coded language in it, knew fully well what you meant and last week I had two words for you and they weren't "Happy Birthday"!But you were all too right, it comes down to having the 1-2-3 down solid, especially the 3rd step. My 2nd attempt to do my 4th was what put me on the road to relapse. I really had to "cultivate a beginner's mindset" again and make certain that I was really doing my 1-2-3's seriously and I intend on working on that until my sponsor and I decide its time to move on to 4 and 5.

Emoto, the thinking "I am in control of my life" is precisely what every addict suffers from. That's always been the issue and merely trying to think the problem away never works. I'm in absolute control when I'm drinking and using and no one could say otherwise. Someone else said it best "Surrender to win!"

Jackr, A lot of good stuff in you last post... One point I would make is that your sponsorship has been 100% successful if it has kept you sober today. A sponsor can give directions, they can't drive someone to the destination. Being selfish about your service and sobriety isn't a bad thing. I hear you about the fact that some of us stop before death, jail and institutions. It help to always say "I haven't _______ YET!" YET means "You're eligible too!" Everyone hits their own bottom, we all pray that we don't hit those jackpots from which there is no chance of recovery ever.