ok...I'm going to say it again...those who wish may close their ears. So long as each of them bring their perception to the music, they are contributing, and neither is overplaying. It seems that you guys are trying to control the other musicians, if you feel you have to glare at one of them to make him play what is in your head, instead of playing his immediate interpretation of the song. My advice is to play off of each other, and let aech one play according to his immediate feel of the song. You may not sound like the Dead ever did, but the music will be alive, vibrant, unboxed, and you will open up incredible possibilities of where the music can go. Sometimes it may suck, for a while, but that's just a risk you take. If you are good enough, and listen, you will play into new horizons. When I first heard John Coltrane I didn't understand why people thought he was so great. And the live album with Pharoah Sanders seemed to me to be solid noise, no musical value. I had a lot to learn (still do; trying hard not to die dumb, but way behind schedule).
That said, I liked what each one contributed. no such thing as overplaying or underplaying. There is only playing. My greatest three influences on bass are Phil lesh, who taught me to think, Ernie Williams, who taught me to feel, and John Cage, who taught me that the band is the floor for each instrument. Cage's composition "Four Walls" has moments of pure silence for a minute or two at a time. I don't consider that underplaying, but pure mastery of time and place, which to me is what music is. Also his experimentation with random sounds taught me that to control every aspect of music is to kill it.
That will be two cents, please.
Gone are the days we stopped to decide where we should go, we just ride...